20 Things babies would say if they could talk

Ever wonder what must go through the mind of your little one? I think about it all the time! Especially now that he’s starting to babble a lot more. And some of it even makes sense. Even if it’s just to me. If mine could talk, here are a couple of things I think he’d say.

1. Yeah, yeah, yeah old lady, I know I’m CUTE. No need to stamp my cheek. That shade of lip-paint isn’t even my colour.

2. What do you mean you’re going to put me into a tub of warm water? I just spent 9 months trying TO GET OUT OF THE TUB!

3. So what you’re telling me is that furry creature over there with a heartbeat, whiskers and a tail is not my brother or a toy? I’m confused.

4. Oh. You again. Yeah Yeah Yeah. Coo-chi-coo to you too. Now, can you call the human with the milk-pillows. I’m hungry.

5. Look Mamma. I found food! It was at the bottom of my leg this whole time. OMG, I found ANOTHER one! You mean to tell me they were there THIS WHOLE TIME!

6. Good luck reaching, your phone/iPad/Kindle/magazine. Sucks to be you right now doesn’t it? Night-night sweet dreams ZZZZzzzzz.

7. Look, I TOLD you I didn’t want to play airplane right now. So technically I’m not responsible for the vomit that ended up in your mouth. Serves you right.

8. ARGGGGG MAMMA! How many times do we have to go through this! Smelling my BUM IN PUBLIC IS NOT COOL. Now cut it out!

9. I know. I know. But I like wearing butternut on my head. It brings out the colour of my eyes.

10. OMG! I can’t see! Oh. Wait. What was that? You were taking a photo. Again??! With the flash ON? Are you crazy?

11. So to clarify; this thing going around-n-around-n-around is not the TV?

12. Ya, yo what do sh’you mean sh’you cutting me off? Too shmuch shmilk? No such thing! More Shmilk!!!! Sh’please?

13. OMG MAMMA! MAMMMMMAAA!!! Where are y…there you are! Behind a pillow. You’re so funny. I thought you’d lef…OMG MAMMA MAMMA DON’T GO…oh you’re back again. I don’t like this game.

14. And then I said to the duck, if you don’t get out of my tub right now I’m going to poo in the bath. So I did.

15. Just ask me next time! Sticking your finger in my nappy is not cool. We’ve been over this. Sorry about the poo underneath your fingernail.

16. You mean to tell me what I’ve been doing on my tummy, moving backwards, getting stuck under the couch is not classified as crawling. Seriously?

17. I know. I know. I’ve got the moves like Jagger.

18. And three, two, one. Yup, I told you I’d cry if you tried to put me down. No pick me up again. Right now!

19. If I’m happy and I know it clap my hands? What happens if I’m not happy? Will you stop singing this stupid song?

20. I know you’re really excited about my first play-date, but I thought I should warn you: I don’t feel like sharing today. Just saying.

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